Dan's Cafe

By jake rake

by jake rake

Who wants to get drunk? If your answer is “me” (referring to you, rather than me), Dan’s Café in Adam’s Morgan is where you should be in the very near future. With decorum that feels like the hull of an old ship and prices that make it feel like that ship is destined for someplace awesome, Dan’s is the choice destination for D.C.-area dive bar enthusiasts.

The most obvious of Dan’s many idiosyncrasies is the system in which liquor is transitioned from bar to mouth, a process that generally doesn’t vary much from bar to bar. For example, most people would not disagree that the following represents a standard exchange that results in a bar patron obtaining and consuming a Jack & Coke:

1.) Patron asks bartender for Jack & Coke.

2.) Bartender mixes said beverage, pouring whiskey and Coca-Cola into a glass over ice.

3.) Patron pays $8-$9, thanks bartender and consumes his hastily mixed concoction.


However, at Dan’s Café, the same scenario would play out as such:

1.) Patron asks bartender for Jack & Coke.

2.) Bartender asks patron if ice is desired.

3.) Bartender gathers a 200mL bottle of whiskey, a can of Coca Cola, a bowl of ice (if desired; see previous step) and a glass or two or three.

4.) Arms full of the newly obtained bounty, patron pays the bartender a paltry sum, assembles his/her own beverage[s] and proceeds to buy life insurance or something similarly valuable with all of the awesome money saved by going to Dan’s.

Even more fun than mixed drinks is the spectacle of ordering shots – the especialidad de la casa. Order whiskey, rum or tequila by brand (Cuervo, Beam, Bacardi, etc.) and enjoy guessing what receptacle you will receive your beverage in. Past liquor vehicles have included everything from delicate tea kettle-shaped carafes to plastic condiment squeeze bottles. The latter is especially awesome, as you haven’t really enjoyed a shot of well whiskey until you’ve squeezed it out of a ketchup bottle.

Another fun game to play at Dan’s is “Who works here?” as no number of repeat visits make it any easier to distinguish between who is employed by the establishment and who is merely masquerading as such. Crowds are diverse, racially and socio-economically, and the sheer volume of liquor flowing through the place (due to it being served in the aforementioned ketchup bottle-sized quantities) makes the whole experience extremely novel. Tip: for supersized novelty, make one of your rounds a “David Hoagland” (SoCo-Mountain Dew); the diabetes beautifully neutralizes the alcohol poisoning. The juke box is popular, with Stone Temple Pilots, Ludacris and the occasional (read: played nightly by some idiot) “Freebird” setting the mood for your hilarious night of binge drinking.

Dan’s Café has occupied the same location on 18th St. and Kalorama since 1965, which is also the last time light (natural or otherwise) has touched the interior of the bar. Go get drunk there, you will have fun.

Dan's Cafe is located at 2315 18th St. N.W. Washington, DC 20009
Check out Dan's Cafe here